This is not some editorial blog post about reincarnation. (Although I have strong beliefs toward reincarnation, my college life in the rural south of Clemson University, and taught me one thing above all else. Don't talk about religion, that does not correspond with the majority. Sad but true...) This is a post about what it means to realize that while one's passport proudly proclaims a birth rite of an American citizens, I have my own personal doubts and apprehensions. I believe I was born in the wrong country. A honest mistake but a mistake nonetheless.
On my United Kingdom excursion, I was able to read this wonderful book Geography of Bliss: One Grumps Search for the Happiest Places in the World, by Eric Weiner. When he began the book, he identifies a character, or certain kind of person, very much like myself. In America, we seem to be expected to be happy 100% of the time, and those of us that are not happy 100% of the time are outliers, unhappy people who live unhappy lives. This is certainly not the case at all, even though I am one of those outliers that is not 100% happy all the times. I'll admit, I'm not a naturally happy person. But I'm not a naturally miserable person either. In fact, I am happy most of the time, I just don't feel the need to show it or remind the world around me how happy I am. Things that make me happy are small and minuscule coffee mugs, old books, emails from France, and so forth.People are quick to identify me as a Pessimist, but I do not see myself as a pessimist. Jokingly, I used to tell people that I am pessimistic optimist, or someone that is realistically happy, rather than just phony happy all the time. I think it's the best way to describe it.
Another type of person, Weiner refers to is the Hedonic Refugee. Simply put, the Hedonic Refugee is a person who was born in the wrong country. They are people who’ve found a better cultural fit in a country other than their birth-place, “not political refugees, escaping a repressive regime, nor economic refugees, crossing a border in search of a better-paying job. They are hedonic refugees, moving to a new land, a new culture, because they are happier there. Usually, hedonic refugees have an epiphany, a moment of great clarity when they realize, beyond a doubt, that they were born in the wrong country.”
For me, that epiphany came when I was 16. I’d just returned from spending my year abroad in Kochi, Japan. I was young and naive at the time, when I truly began to believe that I was meant to live in Japan, meant to be Japanese. But as time gone on, I have begun to realize that Japan is not the place I am meant to be for the rest of my life, but I am sure without a doubt that the United States is not the place either. With Japan, as much as I would love to close out my American life, and begin life in Japan, I am not Japanese. People who have never been to Japan will not understand what that means. In American it does not matter if you are not America to be accepted, in Japan it certainly does matter.
I have been all around the world: Japan, Australia, France, UK, Germany, and many others and I still have not found the pace I was meant to be born. I thought for a minute that I was meant to be British several years ago while on a school excursion to London. But this past trip with my Grandma has confirmed one thing: London is not Great Britain. London is my favorite place in the entire world, and while I know I could spend a considerable amount of the rest of my life there, I am not entirely sure that Britain is my country of should-be birth.
“What to do with this information?” He asks after detailing the phenomenon of ‘cultural fit’. “Should we administer cultural-compatibility tests to high school students, the way we used to test for career compatibility? I can imagine the phone call from the school guidance counselor. “Hi, Mrs. Williams, we’ve tested little Johnnie and determined that he would fit in perfectly in Albania. He’d really be much happier there. A flight leaves at 7:00 p.m. Should I go ahead and make that booking for you?
Of course not. Just because the culture fits doesn’t mean we should wear it, and, besides, every society needs its cultural misfits. It is these people – those who are partially though not completely alienated from their own culture – who produce great art and science. Einstein, a German Jew, was a cultural misfit. We all benefit from Einstein’s work…”
He has a point. I imagine that if I ever did manage to find a country filled with people identical in personality to me, I probably would not want to live there. There was an episode of Seinfeld where Jerry realizes he is making a grave error in marrying a girl just like himself. "All of a sudden it hit me, I realized what the problem is; I can't be with someone like me..I hate myself!! If anything I need to get the exact opposite of me....It's too much. .It's too Much I can't take it ...I can't take it!!!"
I guess the point I’m trying to make is that you could devote your entire life to traveling the world to find that soul-mate of cities or that country you were destined to spend happily ever after with and maybe you’ll luck out and find it. I'm doing that with every trip I take and every experience I go through. I hope one day I can be like some of the great Americans in Paris, or wherever I might finally call home.
But for now, I think I'll embrace my time in New Jersey and then head back to school in South Carolina. I'm gonna save myself the trouble of complaining about not fitting in and work hard at learning to love the little things about America. The fact of the matter is that I see America as tourists see it. I'm better accustomed and less surprised at it's little quirks and wonders. But it is still a different experience for me. I'm American by birth, but Hedonic Refugee by fate.
For me, that epiphany came when I was 16. I’d just returned from spending my year abroad in Kochi, Japan. I was young and naive at the time, when I truly began to believe that I was meant to live in Japan, meant to be Japanese. But as time gone on, I have begun to realize that Japan is not the place I am meant to be for the rest of my life, but I am sure without a doubt that the United States is not the place either. With Japan, as much as I would love to close out my American life, and begin life in Japan, I am not Japanese. People who have never been to Japan will not understand what that means. In American it does not matter if you are not America to be accepted, in Japan it certainly does matter.
I have been all around the world: Japan, Australia, France, UK, Germany, and many others and I still have not found the pace I was meant to be born. I thought for a minute that I was meant to be British several years ago while on a school excursion to London. But this past trip with my Grandma has confirmed one thing: London is not Great Britain. London is my favorite place in the entire world, and while I know I could spend a considerable amount of the rest of my life there, I am not entirely sure that Britain is my country of should-be birth.
“What to do with this information?” He asks after detailing the phenomenon of ‘cultural fit’. “Should we administer cultural-compatibility tests to high school students, the way we used to test for career compatibility? I can imagine the phone call from the school guidance counselor. “Hi, Mrs. Williams, we’ve tested little Johnnie and determined that he would fit in perfectly in Albania. He’d really be much happier there. A flight leaves at 7:00 p.m. Should I go ahead and make that booking for you?
Of course not. Just because the culture fits doesn’t mean we should wear it, and, besides, every society needs its cultural misfits. It is these people – those who are partially though not completely alienated from their own culture – who produce great art and science. Einstein, a German Jew, was a cultural misfit. We all benefit from Einstein’s work…”
He has a point. I imagine that if I ever did manage to find a country filled with people identical in personality to me, I probably would not want to live there. There was an episode of Seinfeld where Jerry realizes he is making a grave error in marrying a girl just like himself. "All of a sudden it hit me, I realized what the problem is; I can't be with someone like me..I hate myself!! If anything I need to get the exact opposite of me....It's too much. .It's too Much I can't take it ...I can't take it!!!"
I guess the point I’m trying to make is that you could devote your entire life to traveling the world to find that soul-mate of cities or that country you were destined to spend happily ever after with and maybe you’ll luck out and find it. I'm doing that with every trip I take and every experience I go through. I hope one day I can be like some of the great Americans in Paris, or wherever I might finally call home.
But for now, I think I'll embrace my time in New Jersey and then head back to school in South Carolina. I'm gonna save myself the trouble of complaining about not fitting in and work hard at learning to love the little things about America. The fact of the matter is that I see America as tourists see it. I'm better accustomed and less surprised at it's little quirks and wonders. But it is still a different experience for me. I'm American by birth, but Hedonic Refugee by fate.
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